Do you ever have those nights where your mind is going a thousand different directions? I was up since 4am this morning. I only slept 4.5 hours. I’m on a jury again today, probably the last day of fulfilling my civic duty. I know that most of you groan just thinking about it. I was groaning too when I was picked. Well, when my name was called out, I actually rolled my eyes, and the judge might’ve seen me do it. Whoopsies…What did I say? What made me pickable? Why me? Most of us will have stories about how we got out of jury duty. I don’t have any to share. I guess I didn’t try hard enough to get out of it. Mostly because I have a hard time lying. I can’t say that I know someone’s guilty just by looking at them. I can’t pretend that I was so sick I needed to go to the ER and had to drive myself to the hospital that instant (No joke, I witnessed that). But I woke up every morning, sick to my stomach, ready to go to court.
Why was I sick to my stomach every morning? I woke up every morning knowing every detail mattered, about everything I had to listen to in court the day before. I sat on the edge of my seat. I was alert. I was mentally taking notes. And people were actually nodding off all around me halfway through each day. I don’t know how you can nod off during a trial. Blame the big lunch, but I had a big lunch every day too. On top of that, I barely slept this week. But my mind is still going a thousand different directions. I understand that most of us didn’t want to be there, that we had prior commitments, in our jobs, in our lives. I can say I used to nod off during meetings at work, in classes, at weddings. But not this. Peoples’ futures depended on the outcome of this trial. Someone’s life was at stake. We contribute to deciding someone’s future. How can we not pay attention? Are we not able to put aside our lives for a few days to determine someone’s future?
I don’t care that it wasn’t exciting at times to be there. I’m sorry there weren’t clowns dancing around juggling balls for our amusement, no popcorn to munch on as we listened, no cable TV, or any TV at all, in the cramped, tiny deliberation room. Don’t get me wrong, I really was missing my laptop each day. But we’re not there to be entertained. We live in a society where that’s all we’re concerned about now. We need our iPhones, iPods, Blackberries, laptops, we need to text each other every waking moment of every day about useless unimportant junk because we need to fill that empty void in our lives so we’re not bored. And it’s pathetic.
I’m not supposed to go into detail about the case, and I’m not planning to. But I’ve been asked numerous times already if it’s a good, or exciting case. Personally, I dislike both those words. What’s a good case? The fact we all have to sit there in a courtroom listening to a case, the fact it even has to exist, makes it not good. What’s considered good? Is murder at the top of this list of goodness, followed by rape, child molestation, domestic abuse, etc. etc. etc.? What do you determine as good? Please, tell me. And the word exciting, well, I already said what I thought about that. We’re not there to be entertained.
Sometimes I need to write all of this out, so I can unstress and think clearly again. Once it comes out of my head, and goes on paper (or in this case typed out) I feel a release. And it especially feels good to know that you are reading this. Because you’re reading, listening to me. Listening to my thoughts. And that’s the only good thing that really matters in this case. That’s mostly what we all want in life, to be heard. And I’m thankful that you give me a couple minutes of your life so I can be heard.
I’ve never had jury duty, but can imagine I would be the same way. Knowing someone else’s future depends on what you decide, no matter how big or small the offense, would keep me up at night as well. It sounds like you’re paying attention to the facts and putting effort into the outcome and hopefully the other jurors will follow suit.
It is a beautiful thing, that we are able to be judged our peers. Thanks for taking it seriously!
Thanks for the post. I found your blog by following that blueberry buckle recipe! I can’t wait to try it! I posted on TasteSpotting too. Great site. But back to this post…. I agree. When you think about it, what DOES a good case mean? I was picked for jury duty too. However, I spent two days in the waiting room and then was not interviewed. The first day was fun… got to read my book all day. The second not-so-much-so. I didn’t get to hear a case, but I remember thinking those same things that other folks asked you… “I wonder if it’s going to be a good case.”
April – Yes, I’m glad that we came to a conclusion today and we were in agreement. I’m happy I got to meet all different kinds of people and talk with them in one tiny room, to hear different perspectives. And I will be able to sleep tonight.
Summer – Thank you also! What we think isn’t fair, from tv shows, movies, the media, is not necessarily how things REALLY go down in real life. And I’m glad I got to witness it up front. I understand a lot more about the justice system than ever before. While I don’t agree with everything that goes on, I do think we try the best we can.
Andrea – Lemme know how the buckle turns out! Two days in the waiting room?! It was my first time too, and I got picked immediately. They questioned me then put me on the jury. I actually read half a book during breaks and lunches all week too, hehe. I understand why people wonder if it’s a good case…I’m just not comfortable with it. I shouldn’t be so nit-picky about wording though…there are probably lots of things I say that are taken the wrong way too…. :P