I do feel bad not posting more food-related posts, I really do. What’s ironic is I feel bad posting when I should be looking for employment 24/7. But when the year is winding down and nobody’s hiring until the new year…I have nothing else to do other than wait. I remember the last time (years and YEARS ago) I was in between jobs, and had been looking for 4 months.
“I feel like such a loser. And an unemployed, useless bag of skin.” I declared.
“But you’re not really a loser. I mean, you might look like a loser to other people who don’t know your situation. But you aren’t one,” one friend responded.
“….Gee, thanks.” I smiled.
On top of that, I am turning 30 in less than a month. I can see the crows’ feet creeping up; in fact, all you see when you look at me are crows’ feet. I have white hairs. I stopped pulling them out because I’ll practically be bald by the time I rip all of them out. I have sun spots. You know, those dark splotches all over your face and neck from years of direct sunlight. These things are all physical, I know. But I also type slower than I use to. I used to type an avg. of 70 words per minute but I feel my old wrinkly hands are struggling to type that fast anymore. It’s probably slowed down to 60 wpm. Which is fine, since my brain is significantly slower too. I actually have trouble remembering how to spell words I had no problem with before. Significantly, significantly? Significanttally? Significantelly? The word has lost its meaning already. It doesn’t even look like a real word anymore.
Did you know that your body’s cells don’t regenerate as fast as they use to after you turn 30? In fact, they start dying off faster than they regenerate, meaning, your body is physically dying. You’re not as young and strapping (what does strapping mean? It sounds like a word old people use) as you were when you were in your 20s.
Another thing about being old and decrepit. People look at you funny when you recite Seinfeld quotes. Why? BECAUSE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW! It’s an old person’s show. It started in the late 80s. And what about The Goonies? Sixteen Candles? The Breakfast Club? What about the John Hughes movies that actually use to be good? Remember those? Very few of us do. And what about music? Remember the time that Michael Jackson was not creepy? Paula Abdul wasn’t just a judge on American Idol. SNL was actually funny. MTV played music videos. Reality TV didn’t exist. Remember when the words ‘sick’ and ‘ill’ meant you were sick, or ill?
I’d also like to add that when people ask you how old you are, and you say 27, 28, 29…they would jokingly say you were old. But when you turn 30, they will all seriously say you are old. They are not kidding around, you are old. Back hundreds of years ago, people actually died of old age in their 30s. They were grandmothers and grandfathers (if they were lucky to live that long to see grandchildren). I mean, some of the reasons they died so early was lack of sufficient healthcare, disease, the plague, etc. I like to believe it was because they were old.
It seems like I’m settling into old age nicely. I go to bed around 10pm. And I complain when I hear a ruckus in the middle of the night, probably from those young hooligans stumbling into the apartment building from a long night of clubbing, or whatever it is young people do nowadays. I haven’t shopped in the Juniors’ section of the department store for years. I don’t wear fuzzy UGGS with leggings. I guess there are things to appreciate when reaching old age.
Along with reaching the milestone of a new decade, comes extra baggage. Baggage around the midsection, under your chin, in your thighs. People add an extra 5 pounds every 10 years (or is it, 5 years?) if they don’t adjust their diet and add in exercise. Because your metabolism isn’t as great as it use to be, you old fogie. I can’t eat half a pizza for lunch, then a cheeseburger and fries for dinner anymore. I have to make sensible food choices now. Because I have to be concerned with things such as cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Basically, if I eat the same way I did back when I was 20, I will be 500 pounds. And extra weight adds the illusion of looking older. So instead of 30, I’ll look 40. Which is not far off, by the way.
And I now conclude with an excerpt from a Seinfeld episode The Showerhead:
Leo: Move back with Lydia?
Jerry: C’mon, you’re lucky to have anybody.
Leo: Last week you told me I was in my prime, I should be swinging.
Jerry: Swinging? What are you, out of your mind? Look at you, you’re disgusting. You’re bald, you’re paunchy, all kinds of sounds are emanating from
your body twenty-four hours a day. If there’s a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like
grim death. Which is not far off, by the way.
Leo: But she’s an anti-Semite.
Jerry: Can you blame her?
I am also turning 30 in a few months and I know exactly how you feel.
Michelle – A part of me was laughing as I wrote it. This will be the one and only time I can agonize turning 30, I might as well enjoy it with a sense of humor :P
Please, please, please save this post and promise to read it when you turn FIFTY!!! Your best years are still ahead of you. Happy Birthday, by the way.
From, Turned FIFTY in September(and still having a blast)!!
oh dear…I too will be turning 30 in a few months (**sigh**). I’m trying not to dread it, yet I can’t ignore the aches and pains that are creeping up on me, those loud “hooligans”, and all the fun stuff in between as well. Great, now I’m depressed. I’m gonna go eat a big donut and go look at my wrinkles now.
Susan – I’ll save it and read it, I promise :) Happy 50th to you by the way!
Neighbor – Why is everyone so loud all of a sudden when we get older? I didn’t think turning 30 would be a big deal, but when it inches closer each day…I think about it more. No, I’m reminded about it when everything aches more, when I have trouble seeing in the dark without glasses, and when I have to pee right away when I get up in the morning. Sorry that’s prob too much info. I’m gonna go eat a donut now too.
I’m not sure why everything & everyone seems to get louder (and more annoying), but I’ve noticed that as well! Is it because we’ve been oblivious to everything around us all this time? Or is it just our ears are growing to be much too sensitive with age? And (lol) that’s okay, I’m starting to stop any liquids near bedtime! :D
And yet another example of aging, my response to any concerts now:
If it falls on a weekday – “ahh well, that WOULD’VE been fun to go to”
If it’s actually on a weekend – “Are there assigned seats? Because I KNOW my body will punish me the next day if I have to stand for the entire thing.”
And if I actually GO to a concert – “Was the music always this loud?”
Another funny Seinfeld:
Mr. Cantwell: No, I feel great for 85.
George: Y’know the average life span for an American male is like, 72. You’re really… kinda pushin’ the envelope there.
Mr. Cantwell: I’m not afraid of dyin’. I never think about it.
George: You don’t? Boy, I think about it a lot. I think about it at my
age. Imagine how much I’ll be thinkin’ about it at your age. All I’ll do is keep thinkin’ about it until it drives me insane…
Mr. Cantwell: I’m grateful for every moment I have.
George: Grateful? How can you be grateful when you’re so close to the end? When you know that any second– Poof! Bamm-O! It can all be over. I mean you’re not stupid, you can read the handwriting on the wall. It’s a matter of simple arithmetic, for Gods sake…
Mr. Cantwell: I guess I just don’t care.
George: What are you talking about? How can you sit there and look me in
the eye and tell that me you’re not worried?! Don’t you have any sense?!! Don’t you have a brain!? Are you so completely senile that you don’t know what you’re talkin about anymore!!?!
George: Wait a second, where are you going?
Mr. Cantwell: Life’s too short to waste on you.
George: Wait a minute, please–
Mr. Cantwell: Get out of my way…
George: But Mr. Cantwell, you… you owe me for the soup…
SD Neighbor – You have no idea how hard I laughed when I read your comment. I totally agree with you about the concert thing. Weekdays are a big no-no. I can also picture the Seinfeld episode perfectly. Classic…
I agree… that’s absolutely great. LMAO. The concert and of course the great Seinfeld reference. Maybe getting older can be fun after all
I do not know why, but I am terrified of turning 30 in Feb. Terrified. I have a complex about it and Jared does NOT understand it. Can’t help it…
And now I just feel older and sadder about it. Gah, what’s my problem?
Kier – I think our biggest fears are lack of accomplishments in relation to our peers. Well, that’s my fear. Then again, I never pictured myself at 30 nor how accomplished I would or wouldn’t be. So I don’t know what bothers me so much. Maybe its the crows feet and going to bed on a Saturday night by 11pm. And getting up in the middle of the night to pee because my bladder is too weak to hold my urine.