OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I’VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU’LL LISTEN TO ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS
EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS
WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT
I DON’T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU’RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
This is what I hear when I roll myself off the couch and waddle towards the fridge. I know, I’m not that big yet, but I feel like all the weight is in my belly. It’s actually throwing off my balance, making my physique similar to this fellow:
I’ve always had a voracious appetite since I was physically able to shove food into my own mouth, so I always assumed that when I was eating for two I’d overshoot my goal and eat for, say, 10. I always joked that I’d probably be one of the women who gained twice their body weight. I anticipated it. (I almost looked forward to it). I thought I’d have a bunch of crazy recipes to share and be cooking on a daily basis. But I’ve let you all down. This site is a pathetic excuse for a food blog.
Things haven’t been working that way. What did I know? I got all my pre-conceived notions about pregnancy from TV shows and movies. Women would be eating gallons of ice cream using a pickle as a spoon, or sending their husbands out at 3am for a craving of hamburgers. They’d have intense mood swings and cry one minute, then scream the next, then become happy after that. They’d throw up multiple times a day.
None of that stuff has happened to me. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to other women, but so far I haven’t been able to relate to one single person about how mellow this has been so far. Aside from the stress, I haven’t had any irresistible cravings, or incredible mood swings. I haven’t cried once. I also never threw up. The only couple symptoms I keep experiencing are food aversions (like not wanting to eat anything) and headaches. I guess I can’t complain though. Could be worse. Sometimes I wonder if most of it is purely psychological, brought upon by TV/movie influences. But I’m afraid to wonder out loud in case a hoard of angry women b*tch me out (FYI, pregnancy forums are terrifying battlefields). You only threw up 5 times today? Well, I threw up 27 times today, beat that! Um ok…you win? After reading endless comparisons of who can throw up the most, who’s husband was the worst, who gained the most weight, who’s in the most pain, well, actually I learned nothing from it. Except that I should stay away from pregnancy forums. They are the devil.
I’m obviously not perfect either. I get frustrated when my husband doesn’t sweep the cat litter off the floor. Or help with the dishes 2.45 seconds after we finish dinner. I ask him if I look fat at least once a day. The thing is, I had those neurotic tics before I ever got pregnant. Hormones need not be an excuse.
It would be funny if one day, I asked Chris if I looked fat and he answered, “yes.” I’d probably laugh.
Then cry over my bowl of ice cream.