I would like to think that I had a positive vibe going through the majority of posts. I (virtually) met and became friends with a handful of readers and have a nice following of people who read my posts, share their advice, stories, and support. I like you guys. And I’d like to think that you like me too, even the ones who don’t comment. Because why else would you be here?
The positive comments keep me going and inspire me to continue this blog. As I started writing this post I got an e-mail from a new reader who had to write to me just to say hi and introduce themselves. I also get e-mails every now and then from people asking me questions about my recipes, if they can post recipes or borrow photos for their websites, or just to say thanks. These things brighten my day and I’m grateful that there are such nice people out there who appreciate the time and effort I spend on this site. So, I want to say thank you to all those people.
But for the past few weeks, I ended up being featured on StumbleUpon.com and my hits went up exponentially. Tens of thousands of new readers a day. Tens….of thousands. It sounds exciting, but unfortunately with all the new publicity comes the trolls, the jerks, the people who just try to illicit a negative response. Quite a few more than I’m used to. People who take the time and effort to make you feel like crap.
If you haven’t heard the term ‘troll’ in internet speak, the name is used to define someone who posts hateful messages just to get a response. I delete these posts immediately and never mention them again. I’ve been cursed at, called horrible names, and told I should die a couple times since the creation of this blog. These people don’t deserve a response. They interfere with the readers’ experience and don’t contribute anything good or remotely relating to the subject.
The jerks are the ones who never learned the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” They spend the time and effort telling you your site sucks, your recipe sucks, your photographs suck, you caused diabetes, you didn’t make the recipe correctly, you stole the recipe, you stole the photograph, you plagiarized, you’re stupid, I shouldn’t write what I wrote, I have a responsibility, etc. This is where it gets tricky for me. It’s tricky because I know that I should be the better person and just ignore or delete these comments, and I have for awhile, but lately I’ve snapped and responded to more and more of these people. It’s been building up for weeks and I just couldn’t sit back. The evil part (ok, hormonal pregnant part) of me enjoys telling them off. Of course, I’m fueling the fire now and I’ll just end up getting even more negative comments because my entire blog environment has changed from a serene, sunny place to a dark, stormy place.
It was suggested that I just delete these nasty comments entirely and keep the friendly ones. And for awhile I thought that meant I couldn’t handle the criticism from others and am trying to hide from all the ‘mean people’. But in reality, whether or not I delete them has nothing to do with how I handle them personally. It comes down to how it affects the readers and the blog environment. The more positive comments people see, the less likely the trolls or jerks will feel the urge to comment. The more negative comments people see, the more they feel it’s ok to add something nasty. So from this day on, I will close comments that I choose to close on certain posts. And I will delete specific comments that I feel like deleting. And that’s that.
I know that I’m suppose to have a thick skin if I have a blog, but it’s not about being oversensitive or handling difficult people. It’s about basic etiquette. When I visit people’s blogs, if I don’t have anything constructive or kind to say, then I don’t say anything at all. If I don’t like someone’s blog, I close the window and go on with my life. It’s simple. Everyone has feelings. Spread the good karma. You wouldn’t go up to some random person on the street and tell them off. If you do, you’re just an a$$hole. Same rules in the outside world also applies here.
If you have a blog, what do you do concerning negative comments? Do you fight back? Delete them? Does it ruin your blogging experience? Do you dread reading your comments? Are you awesome and only get positive comments?
I’m sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience, and I’m glad you’re not letting these people get to you. It’s simply not worth it! As for me, well someone wrote me a nasty comment in a blog I shared with a couple of my friends (before I started my own blogs) and even though I ignored the comments most times he/she just wouldn’t stop! So one day I had enough of her/his nonsense and decided to stand up for myself because the person has gone overboard and started to involve my family in it. I wrote back a long email (you just reminded me to post an entry for it!) with these along the lines ‘You mess with me once more time I’ll make you wish that you’re never born’ and well I haven’t heard from that person ever since.
But I was really surprised that I took it all so calmly because I’m a very sensitive person :D
I am new to your blog, and normally I do not respond to what I read (like you I read, digest, and use or not use what I read). However, I do feel that I need to comment on your view of negative responses. I couldn’t agree more! Being a person that has a positive outlook on life, I do not have time for those that get their jollies from tearing-down others. My husband has always been horrified at the amount of recipe books that I have, and of course the magazines that also have recipes. Over the years, I have forced myself not to by more new recipe books and have given the others away. So, while using StumbleUpon, I found you – I enjoy your recipes, and know where to go when I need something special. Your photos are beautiful, and not only show your talent, but make it easier to follow your recipes as well. Thanks for a wonderful blog, and keep-up the great work! I will continue to read, digest, and use or not use what you give to me – and enjoy every minute of it. :D
Ya know, some peoples vice in life is to be an azzhat to others because they’re miserable. Really, who needs that sort of negativity? I can see a constructive criticism or maybe a question about something they don’t understand, but to just be a flat out jerk? They’re only doing it to evoke a response from you or other commentors because for some people misery IS happiness. I feel like your reasoning for deleting such things is quite appropriate. It helps keep the overall feeling of your blog a pleasant place to be. The only energy and thought you should put into such comments are the few seconds it takes to delete them.
I love your blog….there are just some people out there that love misery. Keep up the good work and don’t let those wack-o’s get to you. As far as deleting comments, this is your thang, you do what you want with it!
Hey Candy !
To be honest with you, for some reason I don’t even get any comments at all….like the saying “if you don’t have anything good to say don’t say anything at all” ! And while that is somewhat okay, when it comes to choosing between no comments and lots of comments among which i would have negative ones – then I can certainly choose the scarce amount.
The thing is …let them talk and be happy they visit your blog and after all….you’re the one that has to gain the most out of this because you are the one to taste the food in the end !
You know we all love you and support you in what you do, especially the ones that visit your blog regularly.
Especially me !
Keep up the good work !
Don’t listen to these jealous, evil, miserable people who attempt to make themselves feel better by attempting to push other people down. Mean people suck. We love your photos… we love your recipes and we love the thoughtfulness and personality that you put into each post. Don’t let the few idiots out there discourage you or dampen your mood. Just remember how many other people out there love to check out each new post.
Thanks for the comments everyone. Sometimes I get a little frustrated, it’s good to hear such nice things from all of you to bring me back up :)
I found you through StumbleUpon (and now have you bookmarked), and I’ve really enjoyed looking through your recipes! Your photos are beautiful, and I’m looking forward to trying some of your ideas. Ignore those negative comments, and focus on the positive ones. You are appreciated, and we hope you continue, cheerfully!
I think your blog is fabulous, the recipes great and the pictures beautiful. I haven’t been reading long (found you when I was looking for a strawberry ice cream recipe that didn’t require an ice cream machine – thanks! My family and neighbors loved it!!) but I’ve been enjoying it. Just delete any negative comments. You wouldn’t keep negative people around in your life; why keep them around on your blog?
I just don’t understand how anybody could leave a negative comment on your blog. The recipes you post are great, you seem super sweet and you’re funny (I’ve laughed out loud many many times). In short, keep doing what you’re doing.
I am not looking to earn a living with my blog so I may be coming from a different place but – I have to approve all comments before they end up on the site. This way I can delete nastiness right away!
Good luck!
The fact is that your blog is your playground, and if someone isn’t playing nice, it is fully within your rights to banish them from your party. Delete the comment, ban their IP address– get rid of them! If you don’t like their nastiness you don’t have to put up with it.
It is possible to use this power for evil though– some bloggers will ban anyone for simply disagreeing with them. But I don’t think that’s the case here. It sounds like you’re being harassed by trolls, and you do not have to put up with that.
Thank you for the recipes!
Thank you for all the nice comments everyone! I haven’t given these people a second thought after writing this. Thanks again for all your support and encouragement.
I’m not sure why anyone would post negative comments about anything (especially your photography, some of your pics are jaw dropping!), aside from the fact that they’re trying to get a rise out of you. Someone once told me that you’re not actually popular until people hate you, so take it as a sign of flattery…
Nicholas – I guess I’m pretty popular then :P BTW, I love your blog and your photographs. I’m so jealous of the food you’ve eaten in HK!
I’ve heard that narcissism is on the rise, and so is hate. Hatred for its own sake, for the pleasure of it, has been on the rise. One expression of it that often goes unrecognized is criticalness. Criticalness is not, as many believe, an indication of intelligence, nor is judgmentalism an indication of ‘moral superiority’. :-)
I read somewhere that about 50% of the whole internet is comprised of negativity in the forms of disinformation, hatred, hacking, viruses, dishonest gossip, slander, pornography, information theft (illegal downloads), and so on. Inasmuch as the Internet is the backbone of the world’s economy, you would think that we would see to it that it would be ‘cleaner’. 50% negativity is significantly large enough to do a lot of damage on a global scale. (In my own ‘internet career’, online negativity has been a major problem, to say the least. In fact, people like us are so used to the various forms of it that we don’t even think about them, for example, I get about 500 spams per day, and most of them are disgusting.)
I’ve often replied back to whatever x-negative comments or emails, and I used to tell myself “I’m better than this, I should just ignore it” or whatever, but then I realized that communicating with certain types of people was teaching me a lot about the human condition, the ‘ego’, etc. If not for the Internet, I would have honestly never known that there are so many idiots in this world. (LOL.)