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Inside The Mind Of An Insane Person

Inside The Mind Of An Insane Person


Three days and three nights with a 4 month old baby and 3 year old toddler while my husband was away on business was nearly unmanageable. It would’ve been okay if I was able to sleep any of those three nights, but our routines were thrown off (daddy wasn’€t home for dinner, bath or bedtime) and the kids got more and more fussy. I wanted to post something I thought was funny, as most of you parents can empathize with. Imagine being a mom with maybe 5 hours of total sleep within three nights (i.e. imagine being insane). Then imagine how a seemingly normal phone conversation would’ve gone in the mind of an insane person.

BTW, most of you know that I’€m a sarcastic person, and this is written tongue-in-cheek.

Our Conversation (From My Perspective)

Me: OMG. I am so exhausted since I barely slept and the kids won’t stop screaming. I almost fell down the stairs with the baby.

Hubby: I know how you feel. It’€s so lonely in this extravagant two story executive hotel suite. I can’t sleep either here. Alone, with no screaming kids.

Me: You mean YOU can’t sleep because there’s no NOISE?! That’s your problem?

Hubby: There there, just relax. ::hears him unwrap his chocolates on his pillow and eats it:: I’m tired too, you know. It’s hard being so alone in this lavish suite. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is free wine and cheese in the lobby. I’ll give you a call after dinner, which I will be eating without any young children present.

Our Conversation Continued (From My Perspective)

Me: You’re so lucky, it must be nice to eat a warm meal at a restaurant, not having to feed two kids simultaneously.

Hubby: There were copious amounts of alcohol involved too, don’t forget that. ::Hears him gulping::

Me: I can see you already started.

Hubby: Oh, this? This is just some beer I purchased at a brewery I hit up after work. I was so bored and alone with an endless amount of free time at the end of the day, I went beer tasting and purchased a growler.

Me: I wish I could feel bored. And drink beer. And eat at a restaurant. Hey, maybe we could switch places, haha.

Hubby: Oh, you couldn’t handle being away from the kids for so long. It breaks my heart being away from them myself. ::more chewing, gulping:: Believe me, this work is hard for me too. Maybe I’ll reward myself with the free warm cookies and milk the hotel offers before bed.

Me: ::hears screaming toddler and crying baby in background:: Ok, I guess I have to go, talk to you later.

Hubby: ::hears sweet angelic toddler voice and gentle cooing from baby:: I can hear that you’re all having a great time. Tell them I love and miss them, see you soon.

Now you know what goes on inside the mind of an insane person.

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