Three days and three nights with a 4 month old baby and 3 year old toddler while my husband was away on business was nearly unmanageable. It would’ve been ok if I was able to sleep any of those three nights, but our routines were thrown off (daddy wasn’t home for dinner, bath or bedtime) and the kids got more and more fussy. I wanted to post something I thought was funny, as most of you parents can empathize with. Imagine being a mom with maybe 5 hours of total sleep within three nights (i.e. imagine being insane). Then imagine how a seemingly normal phone conversation would’ve gone in the mind of an insane person.
BTW, most of you know that I’m a sarcastic person, and this is written tongue-in-cheek. _________________________________________________________________________
Me: OMG, I am so exhausted. I barely slept and the kids won’t stop screaming. I almost fell down the stairs with the baby.
Hubby: I know how you feel. It’s so lonely in this extravagant two story executive hotel suite. I can’t sleep either here. Alone, with no screaming kids.
Me: You mean YOU can’t sleep because there’s no NOISE?! That’s your problem?
Hubby: There there, just relax. ::hears him unwrap his chocolates on his pillow and eats it:: I’m tired too, you know. It’s hard being so alone in this lavish suite. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is free wine and cheese in the lobby. I’ll give you a call after dinner, which I will be eating without any young children present.
Me: You’re so lucky, it must be nice to eat a warm meal at a restaurant, not having to feed two kids simultaneously.
Hubby: There will probably be copious amounts of alcohol involved too, don’t forget that. ::Hears him gulping::
Me: I can see you already started.
Hubby: Oh, this? This is just some beer I purchased at a brewery I hit up after work. I was so bored and alone with an endless amount of free time at the end of the day, I went beer tasting and purchased a growler.
Me: I wish I could feel bored. And drink beer. And eat at a restaurant. Hey, maybe we could switch places, haha.
Hubby: Oh, you couldn’t handle being away from the kids for so long. It breaks my heart being away from them myself. ::more chewing, gulping:: Believe me, this work is hard for me too. Maybe I’ll reward myself with the free warm cookies and milk the hotel offers before bed.
Me: ::hears screaming toddler and crying baby in background:: Ok, I guess I have to go, talk to you later.
Hubby: ::hears sweet angelic toddler voice and gentle coo’ing from baby:: I can hear that you’re all having a great time. Tell them I love and miss them, see you soon.