After recovering from a mild bout of PTSD caused from Mother’s Day, I decided to share the story of how it went to all of you. I hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day, by the way. Even though it’s almost Memorial Day and a little late to say it. Also, a preemptive Happy Memorial Day to all!
Holidays like these sometimes make people a little sad. You would think people are happy on holidays, especially ones that single you out from your entire immediate family (birthdays, mother’s day, father’s day). I guess higher expectations leave people disappointed more so on these days than on regular days. High expectations, like, being able to eat an entire meal at a restaurant and leaving without being covered in vomit.
We went out for dinner at a fancy seafood buffet called Nori Nori. Now, I know the phrase ‘fancy seafood buffet’ sounds like an oxymoron, but trust me on this. The food was higher quality than regular buffets and I had a craving for crab legs that wouldn’t be satisfied unless I ate at least an entire plateful. I daydream that one day I would be able to make a deal with Nori Nori where I could eat endlessly for free, with a sign by me saying, "Bottomless Soupbelly: Nature’s Cruelest Mistake.". Just kidding, I totally ripped that off from The Simpsons.
So we were eating. I was saving my last plate for crab legs. They looked really good on my plate. Chris said they were so good you didn’t need butter, as he was eating his. Baby ate a plate of rice and teriyaki chicken. It met her approval. For dessert I gave her a small cup of blueberry yogurt and one cube of jello. At some point, as I got up to get the famous plate of crab legs, my husband got baby an entire plate of jello, since she enjoyed it so much. When I sat back at the table, she was already finishing the last pieces of jello. It was too late.
She started to look greenish. In less than a minute there was some spit up. Then it turned into full fledged vomiting. It didn’t seem to end. People stared at us. Our waiter sympathetically asked if he could help or we needed more napkins. It was everywhere. Floor, table, highchair, plates, baby’s new dress, our clothes. My husband and I looked defeated. He quietly picked her up off the chair and walked her out of the restaurant and into the car, where we had an extra set of clothes to change her with. I asked for the check and sat there, gulping down my entire glass of wine.
I looked at the crab legs sitting on my plate, waiting to be devoured. A part of me wondered if I could eat them without feeling guilty. But the stares around the room made me feel worse. What a horrible mother, enjoying her meal after her baby just got sick. And on Mother’s Day too! A good mother would be tending to her ill child, not lavishly dining on high quality seafood as her vomit-covered family waited in the car. Selfish!!! Those were the thoughts in my head as I sat there waiting for the check. I gave the waiter a 25% tip and apologized for the mess. He said he understood and I skulked out of the room with my head down.
As I walked out of the restaurant, I passed a mom with a bouquet of roses surrounded by her family. There was also a ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’ balloon. I wanted to rip the flowers out of her hands and stomp on them, just to wipe the smile and look of gratitude off her face.
I am a horrible person.
You can tell me that I have a lot to be grateful for. That I’m lucky my baby is happy and healthy (other than the extremely sensitive gag reflex). That I have a great husband who took us out to any place I wanted that day. That this is a passing phase and things will get better. But as of that moment, all I wanted was to eat a meal at a restaurant and not come out covered in vomit.
All I wanted were some friggin crab legs.
The end.
